Discontentment

The end keeps getting nearer. It’s a bittersweet ending. I do miss home, but I’m so thankful I’ve come on this trip. Looking back it’s been more than I could have ever expected. I love that God does that for us. He gives us things that are so much bigger and better than we could have ever planned or picked for ourselves. Going into this all I knew was I would be doing media work in Mindanao. Coming out of it I’ve been able to use my talents to serve the Lord, not only in writing but also in speaking, I’ve shared the gospel with several people and led some to Christ, I’ve met amazing friends on the teams I have served with, I’ve learned many things about my life and I’ve been inspired to do so much more with my life in the future. At times the trip has been difficult, but I would do it all again if I had to and I hope to do it again maybe in another country some day.

I have finished my presentations and my assignments as the media missionary. All that is left to do is present at debrief. I almost have all of my stuff packed away and I’m slowly running out of snacks. I keep giving the children longer hugs because I know the next hug may be the last. My prayer is to make the very most of these last moments because it’s difficult when home is right around the corner. Something I’ve pondered recently is why I’m always so discontent. I feel like I’m always ready for the next thing in life. Before my trip I was ready to come, now I’m ready to go home and my mom says when I get home I will be ready to go to OU, which is true. It’s almost like I’m never content with where I am. I’ve been this way for quiet some time looking back at my journal. It’s a quality about myself that I don’t really like. I’m not sure if it’s because of the time and culture I’ve grown up in, if it’s because of my personality type or if it’s just a lifestyle habit I’ve chosen to live, maybe it’s some of all three.

Paul talks a lot in the bible about being content in all circumstances, those he likes and those he doesn’t, having much or having little. I really want to be like Paul. I wonder how hard it was for him to develop this way of thinking. Focusing on the future is a huge distraction from the present. It can keep us from doing God’s work now. I can see where if I give it too much thought I will become extremely homesick and not give my best to the kids. I think it has a lot to do with what we think about. Maybe if I can control my thinking I can control my ability to be content. Why does it seem so hard to focus on the blessings right in front of me? I miss so much by dreaming of what is to come. If anyone has figured this out yet, please share with me. It’s something I want God to help me change.

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One thought on “Discontentment

  1. my sister dealt with this a lot, I feel she has maybe finally come to a place of contentment- it's a great thing that you recognize it. She never prayed for contentment but it came. I would take it to the father- he knows your heart and he alone gives peace/contentment. My sister and I were raised in the same home by the same parents and I have always been much more content somewhat like my mom is- could just come easier to some, not that I don't struggle sometimes it's just not my thing to worry about it, but I do have other things I struggle greatly with- somethings need repeated laying down at the father's feet- living sacrifices tend to move and need replacing on the alter just some thoughts

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